I just wanted to say thanks for posting your experiences because its nice to know that I am not alone. I feel like I am alone in this, and it is very hard for me to be a grown up about it. It was both a good thing for separation from the all-consuming disease and bad, because I selfishly didnt have to share the burden my Dad did. He should worry about his own 20 year old daughter, not her kids. He realised what kind of person she was quite quickly hence the Whatever you do dont tell her.We were powerless, as we are now. Move She is constantly at my house spending the night for days and even up to a week at a time staying at my house. But I also discovered how essential and how caring it is to just make contact with a loved one. When he could leave hospital he elected to go and live with her rather than us. HE IS GOING YO BUY A HOUSE IN THE PHILLPINES.AS FAR AS I KNOW HE CANT OWN THE PROPERTY IN HIS NAME ,HE HAS JUST PAID FOR A FUNEREL ONE OF THIS LADY COUSIN. I wondered how he would ever be able to cope without my mom. I would have had no problem with their friendship because I didnt want him to be lonely but my mother was a good mother & wife to him for 60 years, raised their 3 children together & helped him run a business for most of those years before retiring together. Things that I feel need to stay in the family. It is easy to forget to appreciate the loved ones we see and speak to every day, but one day, they will no longer be there, and youll yearn for just one more opportunity to hug them and tell them you love them. Were you able to predict how this would feel? Does she pay rent? Then I just found out after only 4 weeks of dating he went and bought a new queen bed for her so she could sleep comforable with my dad. Alex's oldest son, 26-year-old Buster, was not killed alongside his mother and younger brother, and the Netflix docuseries doesn't explain where he was when his loved The reality of all this is I cant let them watch the baby bc he is physically incapable and she is drugged up all the time. It is very hard for any child to accept the death of his or her father, especially when it was unexpected and everyone was so young. We still have disagreements and I cant stand to see him showing affection towards her, but I want to have a relationship with my dad. The first person who extended his arms was my ex-boyfriend Nick, who had been there when my dad was first diagnosed seven years prior. If I was there I would give you a hug.Listening as you work things out is the best thing a friend could do. My mother-in-law passed away May 2009. Even if this new romance proves long- lived and even if the person turns out to have an admirable and loveable character- the damage has been done. I only would like some acceptance and respect. She is creating the need and doesnt like to be alone. Without warning years later she sneakily bought her own house. Hi Meg, 7 Ways to Help a Parent Who Has Lost a Spouse We moved slowly within the relationship as we were concerned about his grieving process and that I become comfortable with the process too. Dear Therapist: I Cant Turn to My Mom for Support After My My daughter is a teenager, just learning about boys and relationships and THIS is the example she gets? I live you but I don't live this entitled attitude. I have a right to my opinion. Ellen started telling me she loved me. At the time she barely knew me as I had just been an acquaintance in the past! Tell your father he can see you and the children when this relationship is repaired. When she retired she moved in full time leaving her family down south. Im Dave who posted in November of 2014 . My Mother died when I was 13 after a long, long illness. Does he not realize how incredibly hurtful this is to me? It sounds like this woman has him as my uncle would phrase it whipped. What these lonely old men dont seem to realize is that there is more to the situation than just their wants and needs. He lives alone just waiting for her to phone or say she will visit him. I choose to see it in a positive light. I know they had this relationship during the marriage. Generations will suffer. I was not comfortable with the relationship however as suggested I tried to form a friendship. I cannot access my father without taking on the girlfriend as well. She probably needs things done for her. Looking back, I know I fought my own demons when coming to terms with her dying and then her death. WebI (23F) & my husband (24M) lived with my mom (48F) during Covid. I am copying it here because I wanted to share my story and also share the response that I thought was really helpful to me. Havent really been able to talk to anybody except for my significant other. Im not sure if it was curiosity or what but we agreed to meet them for dinner and a movie. What will I do? she said. I am going through something similar, but there are added complications. Their union spanned 30 years and they have an adult child. I think he had the new woman on the side waiting in the wings so to speak. Know that even if they fumble over the right words to say, or text you a meme when you were hoping for sincerity in that moment, that they love you, and are trying. I would even approve of someone who is from our church- not some stranger who feels comfortable enough to fly over on a whim to visit an online friend or whatever so quickly. Not to mention a cancer scare for him and other illnesses that have had him hospitalized. Whatever it may be, it is important to remember that there is a purpose for each person who enters and exits your life. Sending sympathy for your loss and your distress x, Hi Sonia, Im hurt and lost. Is the number one destination for online dating with more I found out from my SIL at the hospital while waiting during my bros triple by pass heart op, that he had taken me out if his will. I knew he was dating but he had never told me, id even met his girlfriend and he told me she was a friend. The day before thanksgiving, my mother wasnt able to get up. After having lost perhaps one of the most important people in our lives, our mothers, we have now lost our fathers, as their behaviors have become inappropriate and they sincerely do not care how we feel. He wanted companionship. I get that, and its not that I expected him to never get married again or have a relationship with another woman, but it just seemed to happen so quickly for him. As women, we certainly know that men and women think & act totally different from one another. I understand he has to get on with his life but he picked the first thing that came along and I think he feels like he has to settle because of his facial/body disfigurments. Amongst other things I turned to biking as a release. after Not only that, he was telling me all the details? I received a text from my brother which stated that my dad had a heart attack and I needed to get to the hospital right away. And paperwork etc. She fought so bravely, and had pockets of success, only to be followed by a very quick decline (3 weeks from notice of having months to live). I defy anyone to say that this does not demonstrate an obscene lack of decorum and sensitivity. explain to your friends you wont be going out as much because you want to be with your family but do not lose your friends because of this they worry for you as well! e treats us is certainly not making me happy. You are responsible to your family: you, spouse and child. She used to visit her sister, and when my dad was out, they would talk. This website is great. He seemed to believe that because he had suffered through years of my Mothers illness that this was what he deserved. I love my dad but it hurts too much to hear him exclaim his great love for this woman at this point. Up to protect her passing. But he has for the most part been very respectful for my feelings so I have returned the favor. . He does not listen. WebIn 2010 my aunt needed someone to stay in the house with her or eventually go into a nursing facility. And.. Well, earlier tonight, he called me and told me that this woman is flying from London to Chicago and is coming to stay with himtomorrow through Thanksgiving or sometime. . I dont want him to feel abandoned or cast aside. This made my life about 1000x worse to make a long story short, the storm passed and my dad and Is relationship had gotten better over the two and a half years since my mommas passing, and thats what she wouldve wanted. Legal Rights and Care for the Caregiver: Where Are They? Boy was she right. Her. When she called the house and I answered the phone, she asked whos this as if it were any of her business. Your money and time go to your new family. Immediately after his passing, I sent a mass email blind copying friends and family notifying them of my fathers death. She was sick for 17 months. She told us from day one, she is never going to replace anyone, but having a companion is nice. It will do no good. Hi, please somebody help me this is unlike anything Ive been able to find on the Internet. But I will insist that we, the actual family whos home that is, will be treated as family members and not guests in her house. One week THIS was what she was going to do, the next week THAT. My mom passed away October 2015. The Day My Father Died I constantly encourage him to keep a relationship with them, I dont want him to separate from them. Recently dad has been in and out of hospital with weird symptoms and shes telling people I dont care about my dad bc Im not by his side for all of it (Im in another state and I have a job, a husband, and a 18 month old). I have been so shocked to read that so many daughters do not support their fathers happiness. I was not happy, them my Husband and I were going to dinner for out anniversary and brought her. How bazaar! Sometimes it is very hard to be upbeat when you feel such dispair but give it your best shot. In my own case it was what eventually powered me through some difficulties. People that think the only way to find happiness is through a relationship and not through a connection with their family are selfish and shortsighted. We obviously dont matter. I also sent her thinking of you cards in the mail, knowing how she loves to send them to others herself. I was very honest with him about my feelings as well, talking about how upset it makes me that neither of my parents will be around to see me get married, or have children, things like that. I recall one of them telling my mom he was dead upon their arrival. I dont agree with certain behavior of some of the parents: comments about physical description, lovey dovey demonstration in front of your family, this thing has to be deal with at the moment that they occur or soon after. I LOST MY MUM 2 YEARS AGO,I HAVE EIGHT BROTHERS ,I AM THE ONLY DAUGHTER,I WAS VERY CLOSE AS WE HAD MOVED 40YEARS AGO FROM HER FAMILY,SO NEVER WAS CLOSE TO ANY OTHER WOMEN. He is not here to replace their father nor is he to replace him as my husband. I asked where is this all coming from he says he has the need for speed. However, this has been very tough on my kids. Murdaughs wife, Maggie, and son, Paul, were found fatally shot on the familys Islandton property on June 7, 2021. It seems petty and immature and dramatic for me to kick up a fuss about his new relationship. Well soon to find out a few months after i found out there secretly dating. Do not live in the same painful place, allow yourself and your family to move on, to grow. Think of it like she's moving into a new home and you're helping her - she doesn't just have the money right away; there's a deposit and the movers and you have to set up the new place and eventually you will get there, but not in one day. After Bro has not been very supportive of me, so our relationship has suffered quite a bit. I believe that we have to be aware of the family feelings of loss, where are they in their journey, understanding and caring about it is important and may help your relationship with your children. I found out that life wasnt over, that I could laugh again, that I could feel almost like the happy person that I have always been, and that it was a possibility that I could be in a happy relationship with someone else again. My mom passed away 2 years ago and I have always been accepting that my dad would need to find someone to spend time with. I found her to be disrespectful & a very good liar. With us not around all the time, I'm worried that she just won't be eating. The problem is, even if the relationship is short-lived the pain it has already caused will not heal. I love my dad but this is not fitting well with me, as he never once called my Mom angel or anything like that. Issues like this will continue to arise, for example, when we begin having our own children, and we will continue to grow farther apart. No one in my family understands. She had fallen out of love with my dad a long time ago, she had told me, but I was worried about who would take care of her. My Dad and I have never been close but Mom wanted us to mend the rift and after her death I stayed with Dad and helped with as much as I could before going back to my family. I once believed for a while she loved him rather than he was useful to her but unfortunately I no longer can receive solace from this idea. So cheer up girls you could be dealing with multiple step families. Father He leaves work and goes straight to her house and is there until bedtime. They brightened her day. Loss impact every person in a different way and we all need to process that loss. If we had to make a 100 mile round trip to save her a 2 mile detour hed want to save her the trouble. I see it like this. Both sons are married, one lives locally and one is in another state. Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ. I didnt mean for this post to get so long theres a lot Im not even saying.. does anyone have any advice on how to get through to the most stubborn man in the world and help him see that the choices hes made have made things more difficult, and now he is only making it worse? moving in with mom after dad died - thanhvi.net One thing I have learned, and that many of the above commenters have not yet accepted, is that I cannot predict how I will feel in the future. moving in with mom Years followed when they spent part of the week at her house and part at his. But then again as tough as my father is, I know you wouldnt want to be alone. She didnt shed one tear as I poured my heart out. I do know one thing though. Now my father has started looking for a woman on matrimonial sites which I came to know when I sneaked into his phone. She and my father were married for 45 years and were, by all accounts, and amazing couple. You were saying: Maybe there is a positive side that we havent encountered yet Im still waiting. Im just not up to dealing with that yet. Im not dating her. Wow. I know she doesnt even know what I am going through, as she was never even a mom.. How can she ever begin to be that for me.. Is it even on her radar? She is completely self absorbed and obsessed with wrinkles. Dad has apparently lost his frugal mentality, He bought a new car, treats his girlfriend as if she can walk on water and does for her, all the things my Mom always wished for. My relationship with my dad was great- we saw each other at least once a week and always had great talks. He may force your behaviour but he cannot force you to accept or like her until such time as you may want to. In doing so, its damaged our relationship a little, but I love him and do not want him to be unhappy. To me that is the ultimate low in character. My Dad went on a date with a mutual friend of theirs within one month, which I was astounded by. Remind her she's still got family, that she's not alone. After his passing my mom received survived benefits for my two younger sisters whom were minors, fast forward to mid 2022, I had a baby, & my husband & I were looking into moving out. My dad and his girlfriend kinda wait for my granny to die, then he moves her right in after making me get rid of my dog who then also dies in his new home suddenly. I know that my Dad has left the land surrounding his house to me and my brother. Can you find a friend who will just listen and not judge? and this is the reason these men get away with this there is a chance that you could just sit back and the situation will resolve itself, this relationship fails, he gets hurt, he learns his lesson, and never does it again. NTA to move out. Though he is willing to let his wife push you out of his life, he wants to see his grandchildren. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. I do really want my Dad to be happy, hes much a nice man. I lost my mother unexpectedly over six years ago, when I was 17. I am pushed out and dont know what to do except stay away, but he is probably dying. A big thanks for all who have shared their situations. Since we set the woman in icu, a world of my dad liked and suddenly at 53. This hurts on so many levels that I cant even begin to explain. I cooked a huge Thanksgiving meal and had a lot of family overI worked really hard on it, and honestly, if I had done what I wanted to, I would have buried my head under the covers all day and pretended it wasnt a holiday, just as I wish I could do for Christmas. Honestly I lose all hope, but for the sake of my late Mother I will talk to him. I dont care how old I am, him or her. My husband even commented to me tonight that he feels uncomfortable with the fact he is constantly bringing up about talking and meeting other women. I was raised after my brother passed away at 26, that you can not expect someone to remain alone in life and to support them in their choices. Should I move to my mothers home after my fathers My dad broke up with this woman. She makes her own clothes she has no job she lives in a room in her sisters house where she is the primary caregiver for their mom when all the sisters are at work. This is my Dads oldest brother and his wife. While so many people say that life doesnt stop when a spouse dies, what so many people dont get is, the choices the remaining spouse makes not just affects them, but their ENTIRE FAMILY. Isnt it obvious that the reason my sister has the worst relationship of all with my dads wife is because she lost her relationship with my dad because of his relationship with his wife?? I lost my mother and need my father. Let go. I feel that he is not in the right frame of mind right now to even be thinking about a relationship. Caring for another can look like doing different jobs to help a family member cope on a daily basis with the many things that need to be done in a day. I live too far away. done. Hes always been eccentric. What killed me was that THEY HELD HANDS AT THE FREAKING TABLE WHILE WE WERE EATING. Now, less than a year after my mom died, here was my dad taking a woman out for Valentines Day? His whole personality has changed and I just cant adjust to it. Ive studied alcoholism a lot, and for those of you stricken by our societies version of it, please understand it really is a disease and NOT a choice. Ironically, I spent the entire week with many of my wifes nephews and relatives in a camper and tents. My mom died Nov. 22, 2008 and one of her friends that gave remarks at the funeral is now pursuing my Dad. Yes thats right 9hours could be more. The pain of losing my mother has quadrupled as a result of his behavior. After a year of my distancing myself and my family ,due to awkward and mean conversations with him, he called me one evening yelling swearing and finally telling me I was never to be in contact we him ever again, then hanging up on me! Laugh March mom and Dad declared a separation ( Long story short, my 34-year-old big brother a wedge between them). Did she ever stop to consider my feelings as well. she brushed it off bc due to the market she didnt think wed get a place we could afford..but then she received a letter in the mail a week or so later stating she was losing 600 a month due to my middle sister turning 18, she came storming into my room demanding my husband & I start paying what shed be losing monthly to her in rent. I have never spoken to her or met her. I would NEVER dream of discussing my sex life with him. I dont believe after just 4 weeks, that we have even completed the grieving stages and am starting to feel very bitter towards her. The next morning i was woken up with her SCREAMING that she has NO privacy in this house. We became extremely close with my father and spent countless nights in the living room together playing games. Not by talking to him doing that means you have to let him talk back or pretend he is tired or distracted or not well or busy or whatever it takes to not listen (most likely piling guilt on you). Its because i took a picture of us 4 without her and because i have pictures of my mother up in the house and i do that on purpose. My father is now almost 88.My sister and I alternate visiting him daily and seeing to his needs. I question my Dad, he says it is temporary until she finds a condo to buy. If you're including internet then that's another $100, I was paying the whole houses phone, so its about 6 lines and then also if they had purchased phones so I was paying off their phones too. As it has only been 5 months since they lost their mother, their father has starting seeing another woman. With my dad was informed that her mother passed away last may remain loyal to die someday. , Background, 1 I got married and my house in a 55 and over was empty. We are doing our best to cope with things. I wanted everyone to treat me as if nothing had happened. I know from experience that it can get very, very, very frustrating. It isn't your job to take care of her. It is so good to know that I am not the only daughter dealing with these feelings.